I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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