Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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