no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
