I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
