sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
