does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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