If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you would pick up someone in the library
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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