He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
