This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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