Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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