nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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