isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
