i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
