I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
look no pants
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
PANTIES FOUND
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
