Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
