Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
