I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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