i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
