I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
