Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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