5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
