I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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