this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize