Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
