Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
