I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
