you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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