Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
