I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
