Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the condom got lost in my hair
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
