I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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