am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
