and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
