therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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