I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
