Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
