Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
