I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
