i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
