so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
