I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
