...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
