Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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