I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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