I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
