They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize