you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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