this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
