party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
