If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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