Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
