Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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