When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
