Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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