We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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