I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
