I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
