im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I believe in your delicious
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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