3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
