just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
