Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
