the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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