I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
