I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
