I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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