You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
