If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
