On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
