my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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