we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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