but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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