I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
