I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
