We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
